I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
