He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
