every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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