I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
