i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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