Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
