he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
