You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My dick has a subreddit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize