Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize