Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
