My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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