yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize