I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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