Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
