Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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