Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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