haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
