Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize