i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
