thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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