Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
