she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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