i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
