you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
