just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
