I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
