he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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