I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize