So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hate all girls vehemently.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
