Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
