the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
love makes seman taste better
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
