I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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