i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
