I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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