She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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