I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
