Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
