you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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