I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
even my farts smell like vagina
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
