Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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