she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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