i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
