Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
