Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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