I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
