Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
