I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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