i love accidental penises.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
