it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
