Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
White coat. Heels.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize