My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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