The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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