the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
