I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
