When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
