How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
