why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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