I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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