I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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