i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
