Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
