yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
